Creative Chaos

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star -Friedrich Nietzsche

My life's goal was to become an artist. I wanted to draw and paint, sculpt and write. I always had a creative and unbounded imagination. I dream vividly in full electric color and my mind never stops churning. Lo and behold I have paralyzingly extreme anxiety. I blame my beautiful and endless stream of thought. Now add onto this becoming a mother which comes with never ending worry. It's quite the combo.

Enter in my husband who couldn't operate more differently than I do. He's all calculations and literal translations. He will correct anyone about anything involving cold hard facts. They say opposites attract and in our case it's true.

The point is my handsome little Bug is the perfect overlap of our ways of thinking. He's very literal in every sense. Things are black and white in his little world. He seems to inherited his mama's internal brain chaos. My sweet boy is always overwhelmed and our battle has begun to try and help him navigate it all daily.

From his constant energy and non stop movements. The constant climbing and tripping. It's a never ending war between trying to tire him out and keep him from over stimulation and melt down. We've found some methods that have helped in therapy, but I've yet to follow up at home due to the prices of therapeutic equipment.

Amongst the chaos of my household I'm attempting to earn money while still being present for both of our kids. I've been selling crochet goods here and there and using the money towards co pays or supplies for diy sensory equipment. It can be quite the challenge with Bug melting down and Toots climbing all over me. Toots is only 19 months so I understand she wants cuddles but I'm trying my best for their sake.

I just hope at the end of the day both of my kids know how much they're loved. I'm trying to use my hobbies to help the household. I'm trying to turn my chaos into beneficial creation. I just apologize to all my friends. I'm an always exhausted zombie.

I hope everyone has an amazing day. I'm off to my next commission project 😬


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